How She Move

I'm sorry (I'm not sorry) but How She Move is the worst teen competition movie we've ever seen, and I say that having seen Bring It On: In It To Win It. Twice. The plot was confusing and hard to follow. It felt like the movie was trying so hard to avoid cliches that it became a cliche itself and went off the deep end. Teen competition movies aren't gritty and shouldn't try to be. They actually said, "YOU THINK YOU KNOW, BUT YOU DON'T." what. Worst of all, none of the characters were sympathetic in any way at all. We both wanted them all to drive off a cliff and drown in Whoops Ocean by the end, and were rooting for the unknown third team in the finals. SEE YOU AT THE PLACE WHERE MY FIST MEETS YOUR FACES, BITCH. In conclusion, How She Move has fewer stars (2.3) on imdb than Joe Dirt and only .1 star more than Baby Geniuses.



Criteria:

• No points for racial tension because everyone was black and no points for class warfare because they were all the worst.
• No points for pursuing a love interest. Yeah, she SPOILER ALERT kissed the dude with the pimply forehead in the end, but there was no pursuit and it was pointless.
• 10 points for a dead druggie sister as mentor AND inspiration.
• 10 points for a mid-movie setback, even though there were like six of them and they were all pointless and confusing.
• 10 points for the whole movie being a great big training montage.
  
• 10 points for leaving a team, getting kicked off another team, and then leaving another team.
• 10 points for a half-hearted message of teamwork.
• No points for a national level prize.
  

Bonus points:

• 1 point for krumping
• 1 point for a skill brawl (almost always followed by a real brawl)
• 1 point for unsupportive parents
• 1 point for a mentor falling from grace since her sister overdosed
• 1 point for (sort of) a scholarship on the line, even though it wasn't tied to the competition
• 1 point for sort of giving us goosebumps at just one point
  
• 1 point for Keyshia Cole
• 4 points for the love interest, who looked so much better with a hat on to cover his pimples

FINAL SCORE: 61 points